Well Folks, it’s finally November. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving yumminess I’d like to try to put a positive spin on one of life’s most bitter experiences. Just about all of us have been rejected at one point or another. We bare our souls (or crushes) and the target of our affection has the nerve to not reciprocate our feelings. They don’t feel the same way. They love us… like family. We are FRIEND-ZONED.
Sometimes they’re nice about it. great. Sometimes they blame timing or their own issues, even though we’ve declared our willingness to deal with everything they throw at us. Meh. Sometimes they don’t even know our name. Regardless of the situation, we are embarrassed, disappointed, and maybe a tad angry. Or insanely angry. Whichever.
But here is the BRIGHT SIDE, the SILVER LINING.
First of all, good for you. You expressed yourself. You ‘put yourself out there’. You were brave. Sure it feels like a kick to the shins right now, but you did the right thing. And as self-righteous as it sounds, you should be proud you did the ‘right’ or ‘healthy’ thing in this situation. You could have bottled up your feelings or festered envy and regret; instead you gave it a shot and left no questions unanswered.
Secondly, it is never harmful to tell someone that you think they are amazing. Even if they don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you, you are adding to their self-worth. You are contributing to their understanding of what they deserve and how they can be happy. They will not settle or date someone who’s ‘bad’ for them. No matter who they end up with, or if they decide to be single, they will make wiser choices and be a happier person in life, because you let them know that they are worth it.
Third, it is actually quite difficult to love. To crush on someone, you need to appreciate their quirks. To be smitten, you must notice the lovely little things about them that others miss. To love, you have to care less about yourself and more about another human being. I know this is trite for some of you, but the selflessness of love is actually astounding if you think about it. And so many people have a hard time seeing the positive and wonderful things that everyone else has to offer. So if you have a loving heart, be glad, even if sometimes it cannot be reciprocated.
Finally, of course we have to talk about learning a lesson. When we love someone who doesn’t love us back, we go through stages of sadness and anger with a whole slew of other emotions thrown in. Yet as you well know, time passes and we gain perspective. We realize that the person we loved is on a different path. Their priorities don’t align to ours, or their plans are not as focused as we would wish. At some point, you realize that all the details that made you think that the two of you were a perfect match weren’t clear to them because they were valuing other details entirely. And that is not something you can change or compromise on. You may never know the exact reasons they weren’t interested in having a relationship with you, but they are not witless morons, so they must have had reasons. And if those details were important to them, but you saw things totally differently, then you weren’t really on the same page. Classic example, a girl won’t go out with a guy who has a lame car even though he swears he’s the nicest guy ever and will treat her right. Look man, she values cool cars and her reputation more than being cute and cuddly right now. Do you really want a girl like that?
Ok then, that’s as positive as I can be on the topic. Keep looking for someone who makes you feel like you are amazing and worth it. And when you fit, you fit. In the meantime, don’t settle because you’re worried you’ll be single or miss your chance. Trust me, you’ll be happier single and surrounded by amazing friends than in a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t make you feel special at all.